


If Living is Seeing

by elfiepike



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-29
Updated: 2006-05-29
Packaged: 2017-10-13 14:05:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/138191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfiepike/pseuds/elfiepike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes he wonders, absentmindedly: does anyone notice? Can anyone tell, just by looking at me?</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Living is Seeing

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Björk's "New World."

Jun has known he was gay since he was in kindergarten and married his then-best friend on the playground during lunch. His mother had not been pleased to hear the news, so he humors her when she calls and asks him, _have you found any cute girls lately?_ and _when are you going to bring home a daughter-in-law for me?_

Because he does love his mother, and he appreciates that she raised him pretty well, all things considered, he refrains from saying, "All the girls I meet are cute, but none will ever be my wife."

(He's gotten quite good at conversational segues in place of honesty.)

Sometimes he wonders, absentmindedly: does anyone notice? Can anyone tell, just by looking at me?

He thinks he doesn't care, either way; his life is satisfying to him, excellent, even, and full, with Arashi and acting and variety shows.

Sometimes, though. Sometimes late at night he'll wake up, irritated and sweating even with all the windows in his bedroom open, the sheets kicked off--and he'll think: how can he not notice?

Jun has been in love with Ohno for three years.

It's especially irritating, Jun thinks, because Ohno is _so damned easy_ to love. Jun had thought for a long time that the way he felt around Ohno was just--affection for a friend, this warmth. He always had more energy around Ohno.

And really, who can blame Jun for being mistaken? Everyone in Arashi loves Ohno, their wayward Leader. He inspires them with his very lack of leadership qualities.

Jun stumbles out of bed and goes to the kitchen for a glass of water. He doesn't turn on the lights; he's neat enough, and his apartment isn't so large that he worries about tripping.

 _I should just get over him_ , Jun thinks, listening to the tone changes as water fills the glass.

 _I should just get over him, and like him as a friend, as a fellow member of Arashi._

The water is cool against his tongue as he swallows.


End file.
